Understanding Gender Identity and Expression: A Welcoming Guide

At A Haven for Us, we believe education builds empathy. Whether you’re just beginning to explore these concepts or want to be a better ally, this guide is for you. Let’s break down the differences between terms and take a closer look at the beautiful diversity within transgender and gender-expansive communities. 

Gender and Sex: What’s the Difference? 

• Sex assigned at birth is typically determined by a doctor based on physical anatomy. It is usually listed as "male" or "female" on a birth certificate. However, sex is not strictly binary and includes intersex people: those born with variations in chromosomes, hormones, or anatomy that don’t fit typical definitions of male or female bodies. 

• Gender identity is your internal sense of who you are. You might identify as a man, a woman, both, neither, or somewhere along the gender spectrum. This is deeply personal and may or may not align with the sex assigned to you at birth. 

• Gender expression is how you present your gender to the world through clothing, hairstyle, voice, behavior, and more. Expression can vary day-to-day and doesn’t necessarily reflect someone’s gender identity. 

Common Gender Terms Explained 

Here are some words people use to describe their identities. Language evolves, and not everyone uses these terms in the same way, but understanding them helps us respect and affirm each other. 

• Transgender (or trans): A person whose gender identity does not match the sex they were assigned at birth. 

• Cisgender: A person whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth. Not transgender. 

• Non-binary: A person whose gender identity is not exclusively male or female. They may identify with both, neither, or a different gender altogether. 

• Gender non-conforming (GNC): A person whose gender expression doesn’t align with traditional expectations of masculinity or femininity. GNC people may or may not identify as non-binary or another gender. 

• Agender: Someone who identifies as having no gender. 

• Genderqueer: A broad term often used to describe identities that are outside or beyond the binary of male and female. 

• Trans man: A person assigned female at birth who identifies as a man. 

• Trans woman: A person assigned male at birth who identifies as a woman. 

All these identities are valid. None require a person to look, sound, or act a certain way to be “real,” and a person does not have to explain their identity for it to be valid.  

Transitioning

Transitioning is the process a transgender person may take to live as their authentic self. It’s different for everyone, and there’s no “right” way to be trans. 

• A social transition might include using a different name, changing pronouns, dressing differently, or coming out to friends and family. 

• A medical transition may involve hormone therapy, surgeries, or other medical procedures. Many trans people may medically transition, but many choose not to pursue these options due to personal, financial, or health reasons. 

It’s important to remember: You do not need to transition medically, or even socially, to be transgender. Gender is about identity, not conformity. 

A Note on Intersex People 

Intersex people are born with physical sex characteristics that don’t fit typical male or female categories. This may include differences in chromosomes, internal organs, or genitalia. 

Being intersex is a natural variation in human biology. Intersex people may identify as male, female, both, or neither. Intersex is not a gender identity: some intersex people are also trans, and some are not. 

Medical interventions on intersex infants and children, done without consent, are a serious human rights concern. Intersex advocates are leading movements for bodily autonomy and informed consent. 

Names, Pronouns, and What Not to Say 

Respecting someone’s name and pronouns is the bare minimum of kindness. It shows you see them for who they are. 

Do Say: 

• “What are your pronouns?” 

• “They’re a trans woman.” 

• “This is Alex. He uses he/him pronouns.” 

• "She transitioned last year."

Avoid Saying: 

• “TransgenderED” — It’s grammatically incorrect and outdated.  

  • “He transgendered.” ❌ 

    • Instead, say “He transitioned.” ✅ 

  • “She is transgendered.” ❌ 

    • Instead, say "She is transgender.” ✅ 

• “Used to be a girl/boy” — This erases a person’s identity. Say “was assigned female/male at birth” if relevant, but don’t out someone if they don't want others to know they are trans. 

• “What’s your real name?” — A person’s chosen name is their real name. Don’t ask for someone's deadname (the name they no longer use). 

• “You’re actually a man/woman though, right?” — This is invalidating and disrespectful. A person is exactly as they personally identify, and there is no “right” way to be oneself.  

If you make a mistake, simply apologize, correct yourself, and move on. 

Why This Matters 

Every person deserves dignity, understanding, and the freedom to live as themselves. Gender is complex, and that’s okay. What matters most is that we treat each other with respect, compassion, and openness to learning. 

Whether you’re here to understand your own identity or become a better ally, thank you for taking the time to educate yourself. The more we know, the more we can create a world where everyone belongs. 

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