Trans 101: What It Means To Be Transgender and How to Show Up for the Trans People in Your Life

If you’ve heard the word transgender but aren’t totally sure what it means — or if you want to learn more so you can better support the trans people in your life — you’re in the right place.

This post won’t tell you everything. But it will give you a foundation to build from, and a better understanding how you can show up for the trans people in your communities.

What does “transgender” mean?

The word transgender (commonly referred to as trans) describes someone whose gender identity is different from the sex they were assigned at birth.

That might mean that when someone was born, they were assigned female, but knows themself internally to be a man. Likewise, someone who was assigned male at birth, may know themself to be a woman. It can also mean someone doesn’t identify fully with being male or female at all. Some trans people identify as gender non-conforming, nonbinary, genderfluid, or use another term that reflects their experience.

There’s no one “right” way to be trans.

A few key terms to know

• Gender Identity: A person's internal sense of being male, female, both, neither, or somewhere along the gender spectrum. It's a personal feeling about one's gender, distinct from how they outwardly express it or the sex assigned at birth. 

• Cisgender: Someone whose gender identity does align with the sex they were assigned at birth. Not transgender.

• Transgender Woman: A person who was assigned male at birth (AMAB) but identifies as and lives as a woman.

• Transgender Man: A person who was assigned female at birth (AFAB) but identifies as and lives as a man.

• Gender Non-Conforming: An umbrella term for people whose gender doesn’t fit neatly into “male” or “female.” Not all gender non-conforming people identify as trans, but many do. May include those who identify as non-binary.

• Nonbinary: A term often used by people who don’t identify exclusively as male or female. Some nonbinary people also identify as genderfluid, agender, or use other terms that feel right for them.

• Gender-Affirming Care: Any step someone takes to align their body, expression, or experience with their gender. This can include medical care like hormones or surgeries, but a person does not have to receive gender-affirming medical care to be trans if they don't feel it is necessary in their journey.

• Gender Transition: The process a person may go through to live in a way that aligns with their gender identity. Transitioning can include social steps (like using a different name or pronouns), legal steps (like updating documents such as ID or birth certificate), and/or medical steps (like hormone replacement therapy or surgery). Not all trans people transition the same way, and some don’t transition at all.

Trans people don’t owe you an explanation

Not all trans people want to share their history. Some are still figuring things out. And some have known who they are their entire lives. There’s no universal “coming out” story, no checklist, no one way a trans body should look, and no one way a person should express their identity.

What matters most: respect

You don’t have to fully understand someone’s gender identity to respect it.

• Use the name and pronouns someone asks you to use.

• If you mess up, apologize and move on. Don’t dwell on the mistake; just correct yourself and continue.

• Don’t ask invasive questions about someone’s body, medical decisions, or name assigned at birth (often referred to as "dead name" or "birth name")

• Be mindful of assumptions about gender, sexuality, and how people “should” look.

Why it matters

Trans people — especially trans women of color — face disproportionately high rates of violence, discrimination, and mental health challenges. Not because of who they are, but because of how society treats them.

Being informed is one step toward change. Being respectful is another.

Want to learn more?

Here are a few great places to keep going:

• National Center for Transgender Equality

• The Trevor Project – Understanding Gender Identities and Pronouns

• Trans Lifeline – Resource Library

• Pronouns.org

Disclaimer: Links to external resources are provided for informational purposes only and do not constitute an endorsement. A Haven for Us is not responsible for the content or practices of third-party websites.

At A Haven for Us, we believe that everyone deserves to be seen, affirmed, and safe without needing to explain their existence. We’re proud to be a trans-affirming organization, and we’re grateful to have you here.