Becoming Me: A Trans Man’s Journey and the Power of Community

I was born in a small town in Ohio. The kind of town where everybody knows your name — and your business. Where diversity wasn’t talked about much, and queer and trans identities were often misunderstood, if acknowledged at all. I didn’t have the language for who I was when I was younger, but I knew, deep down, that something about how the world saw me didn’t match who I truly was.

At 14, I came out as transgender to my mom. I had no idea what was going to happen after I told her, and I don’t think she did either. But what she gave me in that moment was something that too many trans youth are denied: unconditional love, acceptance, and the willingness to learn with me. She didn’t know the path forward, but she started walking it beside me anyway.

Back then, there were no affirming doctors in our town. No therapists who understood trans identities. There was thankfully one incredible LGBTQIA+ support group, which became an anchor for myself and our family on this journey, our only semblance of a roadmap. With the help of this small community-led group, my mom started looking beyond our small town, and we began our days of multi-hour drives to the nearest affirming hospital in Cleveland, to find a team that could help me through my transition.

Those years were not easy. I lost friendships. I lost sleep. I lost connections with extended family members who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) understand. But I also gained so much more than I ever could have imagined.

With the help of a wonderful 'Pride' healthcare team, I started puberty blockers at 15. Testosterone at 16. Got top surgery at 18. Every step of my transition brought me closer to myself. Every morning, I started seeing someone in the mirror who looked a little more like me. With time, I found confidence. I made new friends who saw and celebrated me for who I truly am. I became closer with my parents and sisters, who showed up, over and over again, to support me and grow alongside me. I eventually found a wonderful partner who shared my passion for queer liberation, connection, and community — Joey, our founder here at A Haven for Us.

It's important to acknowledge, I’ve had privileges that made this journey more possible for me. I’m white. I now pass as a cisgender man to those who don't know me. I have a supportive family, and now live in California, where it’s relatively safe to be trans. These things have opened doors for me that remain closed for many in our community — especially for trans folks with intersectional identities such trans people of color, disabled trans folks, undocumented trans people, and trans youth living in hostile environments.

Even with those privileges, I still face systemic barriers. Navigating the medical and policy maze to access a gender-affirming hysterectomy has been tedious, prolonged, and exhausting. Trans healthcare is under constant threat: cut by politicians, debated in courtrooms, and stigmatized in society. Accessibility is a major issue, and affirming care remains out of reach for far too many.

That’s why A Haven for Us exists. We started this nonprofit because we knew the power of community. We’re here to be a resource, a place to turn when you feel like no one gets it. We’re here for queer folks just beginning their journeys, for folks who have yearned for belonging, for allies who are just starting to understand LGBTQIA+ identities, and for those who want to deepen their learning and grow in solidarity.

This is a place where we lift each other up financially, emotionally, and socially. Whether that means supporting someone’s cross-country move to safety, covering the cost of gender-affirming care that insurance refuses to touch, or showing up for each other at book club, we are here for each other. We celebrate victories and share our joy. We hold space for grief. We show up. Together.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. Thank you for your curiosity, your compassion, your commitment to learning. My story is just one among many. I hope it helps you understand a little more about the trans experience and the ongoing fight for our rights, our care, and our joy.

With love,

Beck (he/him)

Board President