A Beginner’s Guide to LGBTQIA+ Allyship

A Haven for Us
Apr 12
2 min read

Updated: Apr 26

If you’re here because you want to support LGBTQIA+ people: Thank you. Whether you’re a friend, parent, partner, coworker, or just someone trying to learn more, your willingness to show up with humility and care matters more than you know.

This guide isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present and practicing allyship in a way that’s rooted in listening, action, and respect. Here are some tips you can practice for being a good ally:

1. Listen to lived experience without needing to be the expert.

Every LGBTQIA+ person has a different experience, and we don't need you to know everything. What we need is for you to believe us when we tell you what we’re experiencing, and to resist the urge to debate, correct, or redirect.

If someone shares their identity (sexuality, gender, etc.), pronouns, or story with you, see it as a gift — not a challenge.

2. Get comfortable with discomfort.

Learning about injustice can bring up guilt, defensiveness, or confusion, especially if you’re new to these conversations. That’s okay. Lean into it. Don’t expect queer and trans people to manage your feelings or make the learning process easy. Growth takes discomfort, and allyship is no different.

3. Don’t just say you’re an ally: Act like one.

Use inclusive language. Interrupt harm and hate when you hear it. Share resources, uplift queer voices, donate to trans-led orgs, and correct people when they misgender someone — even if the person isn’t in the room.

Allyship isn’t a title you give yourself. It’s something you do, as you show up, again and again, in big and small ways.

4. Respect boundaries, and don’t center yourself.

Being an ally doesn’t mean inserting yourself into every space. It means knowing when to listen, when to speak up, and when to step back. Your role is not to lead the conversation, but to support, amplify, and protect the people who live it every day.

5. Keep showing up.

Allyship isn’t a one-time thing. It’s a constant practice. And the more you show up (even when it’s uncomfortable, even when no one’s watching), the more trust you will build throughout the queer community, and with the LGBTQIA+ people in your life.

We all make mistakes. The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be accountable, open, and committed to doing better.

At A Haven for Us, we believe that queer liberation isn’t just about surviving: It’s about thriving in community. Allyship is one of many ways we build that community together.

This guide is shaped by both lived experience and years of work in LGBTQIA+ health, education, and community care. It’s not exhaustive, but it’s a place to begin.

Want to Learn More? Check out these links:

Disclaimer: Links to external resources are provided for informational purposes only and do not constitute an endorsement. A Haven for Us is not responsible for the content or practices of third-party websites.